About Me

Just your average Journalism School drop-out trying desperately to ignite her love for writing once again and decide where to go next in her life.

Monday, October 13, 2008


I think I'm too hard on myself. But at the same time, not hard enough. I procrastinate way too much, but if I don't study for a test (which is every test I've taken in the past 4 years), or have a lot of homework, I stress myself out SO much that I literally make myself sick.
I feel like I need a break from school, a break from life. Even winter break/spring break/summer vacation isn't really a "break". We still have homework, projects, tests, books to read. I need a weekend, or a week, where I can just sit back and relax. Sleep more than 4 hours a night, actually have fun for once, be away from people. Because a lot of times, people annoy me.

I can't even get my thoughts in order.

I miss middle school. I felt invincible. I (thought) I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had a plan. I even knew what I wanted to major in, and what colleges I wanted to go to...in 8th grade. I was truly happy with my life. I had the best friends in the entire world. Every weekend I had somewhere to go, someone to hang out with, someone I actually liked.
This year: not so much. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore and I keep getting crap from my parents and teachers and guidance counselor at school. Colleges? don't ask me about them. My future? I don't know.

I'm desperately trying not to keep hitting the backspace button.

"Friends" annoy me. Aren't friends supposed to support you? Aren't they supposed to be the people you can be yourself around? Shouldn't you be able to tell them everything, well, almost everything?
Yeah, I wish I had friends like that. Hell, I wish I even had a family like that.

Enough of this, I'm starting to complain too much.

I really do have a pretty decent life. I mean, it's not perfect, but whose is? I want to meet that person. Yeah, I have had to work for everything I have. I pay for my own stuff. I work for the opportunities I've been given. My family is hard on me, but in the end, won't that just make me a stronger person? Won't I just be more prepared for the "real world" then?
What is the real world anyway? Were we not all born in the "real" world? I don't think someones age should determine whether or not they live and work in the real world. But that's just my opinion. And I'm just a teenager, so obviously my opinion is worthless to the rest of the world.

Think I'm lying? Think again.

Monday, September 22, 2008


Have you ever had a day where it seems like nothing goes right? Where you just seem to fail at whatever you do? Everyone annoys you for no reason at all and you get mad at them for that non-existent reason?
I hate those kind of days.
But today was exactly that kind of day. And I have a feeling this whole week will be like that. I want to fast forward and go to next week, or the week after. I'm not saying I just want to skip a half of my life and go to whenever we have breaks for school, I actually enjoy school. Even though that sounds weird. I love (most) of the people and enjoy learning (nerdy enough for you?). I just feel like we have WAY too much pressure put on us and, I'm going to be honest, it sucks.

Homecoming? I think I like the idea of Homecoming and getting ready for it more than the actual dance. For instance, this year I'm much more excited for the party beforehand than Homecoming. Is that weird? I also look forward to Homecoming week more than Homecoming night. It just seems so much more exciting. And for once our entire school shows immense school spirit. Oh, and our teachers slack on us a lot. Except for AP classes which don't know the definition of "no homework" and "slacking" but that's what I signed up for, right?