About Me

Just your average Journalism School drop-out trying desperately to ignite her love for writing once again and decide where to go next in her life.

Monday, October 13, 2008


I think I'm too hard on myself. But at the same time, not hard enough. I procrastinate way too much, but if I don't study for a test (which is every test I've taken in the past 4 years), or have a lot of homework, I stress myself out SO much that I literally make myself sick.
I feel like I need a break from school, a break from life. Even winter break/spring break/summer vacation isn't really a "break". We still have homework, projects, tests, books to read. I need a weekend, or a week, where I can just sit back and relax. Sleep more than 4 hours a night, actually have fun for once, be away from people. Because a lot of times, people annoy me.

I can't even get my thoughts in order.

I miss middle school. I felt invincible. I (thought) I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had a plan. I even knew what I wanted to major in, and what colleges I wanted to go to...in 8th grade. I was truly happy with my life. I had the best friends in the entire world. Every weekend I had somewhere to go, someone to hang out with, someone I actually liked.
This year: not so much. I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore and I keep getting crap from my parents and teachers and guidance counselor at school. Colleges? don't ask me about them. My future? I don't know.

I'm desperately trying not to keep hitting the backspace button.

"Friends" annoy me. Aren't friends supposed to support you? Aren't they supposed to be the people you can be yourself around? Shouldn't you be able to tell them everything, well, almost everything?
Yeah, I wish I had friends like that. Hell, I wish I even had a family like that.

Enough of this, I'm starting to complain too much.

I really do have a pretty decent life. I mean, it's not perfect, but whose is? I want to meet that person. Yeah, I have had to work for everything I have. I pay for my own stuff. I work for the opportunities I've been given. My family is hard on me, but in the end, won't that just make me a stronger person? Won't I just be more prepared for the "real world" then?
What is the real world anyway? Were we not all born in the "real" world? I don't think someones age should determine whether or not they live and work in the real world. But that's just my opinion. And I'm just a teenager, so obviously my opinion is worthless to the rest of the world.

Think I'm lying? Think again.